痛

My told me that she had a dream that she accept her ex back and her  ex did very wrong thing to her again. Ignore the wrong thing part. Although is just a dream, but when i heard it, my heart felt very pain, it as though the end of the world(my world). I cant fully describe the pain, but it was a pain till now i still feel it. I felt hopeless the whole day, restless cant do anything. 我的心好痛，我好怕，我怕她真的离开我。Although she said she will stay by my side forever no matter wad happen to me, she will not leave me. I nvr doubt her word but im juz scare that fella might do something touching, that will make her leave me. After all i dont romantic stuff her before. Did i?
For now left hand is literally useless right now, though i can move it but i use anymore strength. The blood cot in my vein. Or shld i day my vessel bursted, that y now is swollen with one clear blue black thing popping out of my arm. I cant even straighten my hand. When u softly touch it, i felt very painful, without touching it i also can feel the pain. My mum told me that i used too much strength on my left hand, but i seldom use my left hand to carry or hold things. Maybe i use too much strength to hit on something that why become like this. O well i deserve it anyway. Right now my left hand keep give a very weird feeling like something is moving inside. Mum ask me to go c a doctor but i dont want to. It will be the same as last time, the doctor will just ask go hospital  to do a proper check on my hand and end i will be hospitalized. I cant stay in the hospital right now, if i stay, i cant skype with my gal anymore. This month is alr very tedious for us already, and she having exam, i cant make her worry about me. She got enough problems for her to face already. Im such a useless bf with a literally useless problematic left hand,sometime i felt that i drag her down.
Hope she dun come n view my blog, though my blog had been inactive for quite sometimes, shld be safe for me. Safe for now. Else she gonna screw me up, i think.